Thank you for responding and providing your thoughts. You have nailed my sitch exactly.
We were both aware of the living arrangements before we got married. In fact, we preferred at the time to set up visitation that way with my ex because it prevented me coming back and forth to other state for weekends. Yes, she was aware I'd have a second place until kids were grown. What you say though tells me things really changed when we had kids and I was a fool to ignore. I did tell her I was willing to change the custody agreement to be more with her and the kids, but I did not want to tell her this until she wanted to reconcile, as I did no want to try to convince her to stay.
Eldest kids with ex are 10 and 7.
First W is remarried. Relationship with her has gotten better but she does not like my w and I think would relish in the fact that I am having problems, because I went through my own MLC with her. And my W is someone she knew.
Ex does not reside in my house in the other state. We have separate houses. Current wife is financially sound and parents live with her to help with care of our kids. One reason why I can see why she sees any need in me being there when she has support from her parents.
We have a sep agreement (it cant be legal) in place and she is offering two weekends when I am not in sep state, plus time in between.
When I am in her home, I sleep in separate bedroom. And have been doing so for 8 months. I asked to stay for almost the entire months this summer, but she is not agreeing with it. To her, probably too little too late.
Have taken the kids from other state to wife state during the summers and holidays and now some long weekends. I'd say 4-5 times per year.
Her birthday is coming up so I am thinking of asking her out to dinner for that; last time I asked her to dinner to just get a break - no M talk; she thought about it for a while, but then said no thank you.
I have a coach, and using one now, but I am in between sessions.
Regarding her PPD, should talk with her parents about my concerns? We are pretty close and I am close to her family.
I hope this helps. And thank you for your guidance!
