I downloaded an app, which reminds me to report me mood three times a day in scale from 1 to 10, and also allows to write a bit of notes what contributed in my feelings. Looking back I see that there is a direct link between how it´s going with W with my mood. Even if I´m at gym and sun is shining, I miss W and mood is bad. When W gives a bit of positive signals, mood goes up despite what else happens. Quite natural i guess under the circumstances, but still I find this concerning. I have even thought if I have some kind of codependency issues or if I just have been obsessed in what I can´t get - wife? I need to learn more about detachment in loving fashion - not neglecting but to REALLY having no expectations what so ever. That is hard, since I TRULY wish we could rekindle our R in some point. But back to previous sentence again - out of LOVE towards her or that I want to have things I can´t get(or dream of family), I´m not 100% sure. I know that I love her, but I guess my head is just a bit mess now... Also there are these typical fears of loneliness and if I never love anyone like my wife again. Guess I need to read letting go and detachment threads over and over again, but implementing those things in real life is not that easy I´m afraid - at least for me.
