Thanks for replying Skyhigh, you definitely gave me a lot to think about.
So.....I'm having a hard time. I found text messages that H has on his phone from a different woman he was pursuing after we separated. I always had my suspicions about her and I had asked about her a while ago because not long after she found out I had kicked him out of the house she asked him out, and of course he went. He of course denied a relationship. He told me "we were just friends" and "nothing ever happened with her" and all that kind of BS stuff.
I found messages from him to her that said "I really like you" and "you are cute" and of course the f'ing BS texts about me and how difficult I was being at that time.....which were lies!!! I read one text she wrote that said "I'm sorry you are having to go through all this and none of it is your fault"...... so I can only assume she didn't know about him cheating.
He definitely was the one who became the pursuer though because he would ask her to meet for lunch, or where should we go to dinner and things of that nature. I can only imagine what was said or happened when they were actually together. The other thing is that she was a client of his so I can just imagine what happened when she came around for that.
I saw in a different text where she later told him "I know you are separated, but I can't pursue this with you anymore cause you are still married." But, I did see where they continued with things even after he and I started to reconnect.
I'm so PISSED that he lied about the relationship he had with her. And why the HECK does he still have these text messages on his phone from her?!?!?
I've been sleeping in the other room, and I haven't spoken to him for two days. And of course the other big thing is that we still have zero intimacy in our relationship. No hand holding, no public displays of affection, no kissing. We have not had sex since November.
I know he has been working on himself for quite some time, but what I am coming to see is that he really isn't interested in working on us. He only considers his wants/needs/feelings when making decision or choices. I asked him a while ago if he would go to MC and he said he would but that he couldn't afford it, so I offered to pay for it. The only stipulation I made was that he was the one who had to find the counselor and make the appointment. He has not followed through on that.
Before I found out about the texts, he told me that he wore his wedding ring not too long ago. It was on a day I was at work so I didn't know about it, and he had taken it off by the time I got home that night. He said he wants to start wearing it again because he feels like we are in a better place and he feels married again. I asked him what did being married feel like to him and he couldn't answer me. I told him I was not ready to wear mine cause I don't feel married. I feel like we are room mates. I also mentioned that I felt like his ring was tainted because he wore it when he was with his first OW. His response was, "well then I guess we need to buy me a new ring".....IS HE SERIOUS????
