Then you weren't detaching. Detaching is letting go in a LOVING fashion.
I see that I might have been too black and white in detaching - or understood it wrong. I went too dark in my circumstances, but I red again detachment thread (and letting go thread as well), and it´s quite balanced information.
Quote:
"I am open and share my feelings, and why, I will explain later." Just be careful with that. When dealing with a WAS it's important to listen and validate, to get THEM to share their feelings. You however should not be doing the same, because to a WAS it just sounds like you're trying to make everything about you. You need to be a rock, a foundation of stone during this.
I totally agree with importance of validating - it has not been my strong side in the marriage. But since I have been neglecting W in marriage I feel that I need to open up eventually - even if it would be too late now - just to try that out. I know many of us here have been in same situation in our marriage, let it run in autopilot, yet still most are avoiding opening heart and sharing feelings when DBing. This topic seems controversial(at least from my pov), but I feel that I´m playing games if I feel something I don´t share - do you know the feeling? My W have never felt the admiration and heard feelings from my side in marriage, so I´m struggling to understand how it would backfire me more if I don´t share my feelings with her now? She is on her way out anyways. Also, she said after last MC that since I always was so "cool" and would get anyone I wanted, she never felt important or wanted. But I never wanted anyone else than her - I just lacked in showing that... I´m sorry if I seem to be hard-headed regarding not sharing my feelings. I´d just love to understand that a bit more...
