WW, A ended, but struggling to reconnect (My 11th)

[hoosjim]

Oh, and i forgot, we had a long talk last night or night before about bff and my best friend and their respective STBXS's and that whole love quadrangle and how it would impact us socially in the future. W had had lunch Sunday with bff and other GF, and then shared with me monday that bff's AP had been there, too. She knows because i have told her how uncomfortable that whole dynamic makes me, not only because they (bff and AP) are both serial cheaters and betrayers, but b/c bff's AP knows about my W's A). W maintains she doesn't know how bff's AP could possibly know about her (W's) A with Om, to which i responded "Well, he does, he told MY friend and said he'd seen pics of you two together, which could only have come from your bff". This was all a bit disingenuous on my W's part, unless she really was in total brain fog, as i had previously heard bff telling W, many months ago, that "It was still weird for _________ (bff's AP and my former friend) to see you (my W) with OM".

Anyhoo, i maintained that it would be most uncomfortable for me to socialize with bff and AP together (for obvious reasons) ,and somewhat less uncomfortable to socialize with bff and W together without bff's AP. This due to me "not blaming" bff as much as i could have for her (bff's) A because it seemed to me that my own friend "enabled that A to a large degree." Something that i almost immediately regretted saying because it minimized the significance of bff's having an A

W for her part said it didn't feel weird hanging out with bff and AP, and that they "seemed happy." [Oh YAY! Everybody's HAPPY!!! It must be the right thing! Oh, wait, nobody asked the kids. Oops.-- I didn't say that BTW but did think it.]

She (W) did say it might seem weird hanging out with my friend and his current "woman", who is bff's AP's STBXW (they are effectively swapping spouses-- follow?)



So this morning she comes and hugs and kisses ME on her way out door (jus a peck, but remember that's new for us) as opposed to me initiating. Just something different. Guess she is still trying.

This mindset (cold feet) she seems to keep having is worrisome though. I tend to agree with MC that we should be trying to focus on what it will look like for us to be together in the future rather than thinking about a future apsrt.