Today everything fell apart. Yesterday he told me about how he was having pizza for work since it was "pi day" and how the sales and facilities team were going to order pizza for the whole office. I asked if was a free for all, and if they were just going to put it all in the lunch room so he would have to rush to get a slice. and he said "I hope not, its going on my company credit card". I thought that was weird.. because if sales was putting it on, why wouldn't it go on theres? I didn't say this, and just said well have fun.
At 12:30pm today I see he's at a pizza place. The company was promoting the day and had videos of him standing in line.. with the OW and 2 other women. I sent a TM saying "thought you were ordering in?" I also called him, and he didn't answer. When He finally responded to my TM he said that it fell through when people realized they had to go pick up the deal. So only him and the 3 other people from his department went. He said he was going to tell me later. I sent him the pictures of him and the OW and asked why he didn't back out. Especially when other people did, and he knows were having issues, and he said he wouldn't go out for lunch with her anymore. he said because he wanted to. Obviously this didn't sit well with me.
I told him if he can't respect our relationship, my feelings, and his own promises, then what was the point? I told him I was messaging the OW. He asked me not to, said he was the moron and it was his fault. Oh well. I messaged her. I said I don't care how innocent she thinks it is, it's not innocent on his end and her conversations and friendliness have been an issue for us and that I know thats not her problem, but I'm asking you to stop treating him like a friend and start treating him like a boss.
She responded, "sorry for any inconvenience, but I'm not really sure what that means. hope you guys will be ok, have a nice day". So I replied and said its simple. Stop going out to lunch with him, stop talking about your personal life, stop sending him stupid messages at work. stop being friendly with my husband.
About half an hour later she asks if I want to go for a coffee... I was like, does he know you're asking to meet me. and she said no. So I met up with her.
Basically she said she knows things weren't the most professional or appropriate between them, especially during the summer. But that was so long ago now, and she can't remember everything. She said she didn't want to get involved in our relationship, but she wanted to discuss some of the things I was saying. She says she doesn't invite him out for lunch, he invited himself that day. That 7 people were all gonna go get pizza (remember he said the whole office was ordering in?!) but then 3 backed out so only the 4 of them went. I told her the lie he told me... and she was like "oh". She said she didn't see why it was an issue going out for lunch with him and other people. Especially when he goes out for dinners and lunches with another girl that use to work there (I know she's over exaggerating this because I knew he had gone out twice since the girl had found a new job 4 months ago, and it was only because she wanted him to come work at her new company). So I said, I know his dealings with that girl. He doesn't hide anything about her. But with you, he chooses to hide and lie. I had to explain this to her like 3 times. She was surprised at the level of detail I knew about their conversations and relationship. Which threw her off as she was obviously trying to downplay it. In the end, she said she would try to stop being friendly with him. But said if a group of people were going out for lunch, she wasn't going to not include him, and he could make his own choices if he wanted to go or not.
After work, H tries to act like nothing is wrong. Immediately sets me off. He sticks to his lie about the office plans falling through. And says he knows he shouldn't have gone when other people were backing out, but he wanted pizza and wanted to go. So I tell him she asked to meet me. He didn't believe it. So I showed him her TM asking to meet. He didn't know what to say. Then I told him the story she told me about their Pizza day.. and he was like "uh, I can't recall exactly what was said" and that 2 of 3 people that backed out were from sales and facilities... But thats not the whole office. there were more people from his department organizing it than there was from his lie!
He wanted to know more about what she said to me. I told him how she called him out about his meeting up with an old co-worker. She also called him a co-worker, and I had to be like no he's your boss. And that she basically admitted to both of them being inappropriate during the summer, but that she would try to not be friendly anymore with him. He was shocked that she had agreed to the summer issues and that she was saying he was going out for dinners with the old co-worker.. asked if he needs to have a conversation with her and HR now.. I was like I don't know. She asked me to meet up, obviously she had stuff to say. But if had done nothing then he shouldn't feel guilty. I also said that she could have told him she met with me, but she chose not to. so he can read into that as he likes.
I told him to leave. He said he had no where to go. I said he's clearly making the choices he wants to make and not considering me at all. Not to mention his lie to cover it up. I said he could go to my sisters or his moms, and even asked my sister to let him stay at her place. (I had told her what happened throughout the day). He apologized, and tried to get me to change my mind. I said you made the choice. You said you wouldn't do something, and less than a week later you're doing it again. Full well knowing that you're hurting me.
So this is where things stand now. I really don't know how we can come back from this. This lying was just too much... How many times am I suppose to go through the same thing? and then have him expect me to feel sorry for him!
