Trying to do the right thing...

[OC_Hope]

well... I suppose it's time for an update.

First off, thank you to OwnIt - what your counselor told you is so true. I've experienced this first hand.

So the holidays came and went and W continued to tell our sons she was coming for the holidays, but never followed through – All the while, feeding me pledges of wishing to fix our family and considerations for moving out here to live with us, saying she loved me and misses her best friend.

On Christmas Eve, she brought the OM to her mom's place and did Facetime with my youngest late on Christmas Day from a train station heading out to who knows where. Turns out, she's still with OM and never left him. What a liar!?!?

My boys were crushed that she never came out.

In January she called with a 24-hour notice to say she'd be coming out for two days to celebrate one of the boy's bdays (she's not seen either of them since September). Turns out her boyfriend bought her the ticket thinking it would cheer her up.

Wel, there was a snow storm and she ended up staying four days. We had some long talks, even got intimate at one point. Dumb me.

She went home pledging to pack her car and come back in a week or two. The next week she got some tests back from the doctor saying she had breast cancer.

I did all I could to make sure she could get out here, offer to help with gas money and spoke to social workers here to transfer her insurance for continued care (she has state insurance where she's at).

Nothing has changed. She finds another excuse each and every opportunity not to come out.

I'm beginning to understand what kind of vicious loop these MLCs seem to put us in, where they keep us close, but don't follow through.

I remember reading an article called "Total Detachment - Dropping the Emotional Rope" and wondering if this is the time to start stepping away?

I'm scared because we've had some seemingly real conversations where it appears she knows this whole thing has been about her and it's not something I caused. And she'll be kind from time to time to check up on me and be sweet, but then disappears on the weekends usually with the same old "bad-influence" friends who helped her get into trouble before.

The last two days I've been shorter in responding offering no explanation or details. Just simple answers.

Today she replies after my last short answer, "Okay, I get it. Loud and clear" with a thumbs up emoji.

Took less than 48 hours and she's already reacting.

Am I doing the right thing by pulling away?

I just know that I'm exhausted trying to get her to follow through on her words - mind you, I don't offer to help anymore or offer solutions. I just ask her questions about what she wants and what she should do about it. I'm not pushing or pulling, just leading as she replies.

But it's not changing anything, and I'm trying to be understanding. She has her surgery on the 22nd to remove the tumor (which is super small, they caught it early), and she also has an arraignment coming up for her DUI hit and run, which she does not have to be present for.

She could have cancer treatment here, go to therapy and rehab. Her lawyer could request her sentencing be transferred to this state to enforce as well. It's all doable.

But instead, she went out and got a new job there and continues to plod along... leading me on.

Am I being insensitive to her current plight and attempting to rescue her again? I think I am.

Is dropping the rope and leaving her to her own plight the right call right now? I feel like it is, but maybe I need a sanity check here.

help?