Beginning

[MJontheMend]

and occasionally brushing a breast or her crotch

And she didn't know what you were up to? I don't buy it. But you still shouldn't take it personally. What I'm coming to understand is that we HDs have to stop seeking sexual validation from our LD partners. You have to believe that you are a sexy person and not responsible for your partner's arousal difficulties. That is their problem. They are the one's who need to do work in that area.

If I was your wife and you had done as you described with me, I'm certain I would have been fully aware of your intent and also quite aroused.

But you don't need me to tell you that either. You and I and all the rest of the HDs can learn to self-validate our sexuality and then and only then will we be differentiated enough to insist that our spouses do some work too.

Here's what I'm going to insist on with my H. If I approach him in a strong and sexy way and he is just too LD at the moment to respond appropriately, he needs to do the following:

1)Be honest.
2)Be courteous.
3)Take responsibility for trying to get over his LD mood.
4)Take responsibility for the next encounter.
5)Validate my sexuality. (This one shouldn't be necessary, but it would be nice.)

For example:

M: Do you want some action?

H: Thanks for asking (courtesy).You look very sexy in that new dress(validation) but I'm really not in the mood right now (honesty). How about if I take a nap (working on his LD mood) and we get together after dinner( taking responsibility for the next encounter).

M: Ok. I'm glad you like the dress. Meet you back here after dinner (wink).