In the past, I would definitely have felt personally rejected, and I would have felt that she must have known what I wanted, and was therefore purposely ignoring me, and it would have left me seething. I would not have talked to her about it, or if I had, I would have been saying very different things, and it would have led to a big argument at bedtime. And in truth I did feel personally rejected at first, and I had to calm myself down in order to talk with her about it. As I was preparing for bed, though, it occurred to me that perhaps she hadn't picked up on my "vibes", and I should at least confirm that before proceeding. And it turned out that indeed she had NOT picked up on it - from her POV she just thought I was being cuddly with her, and I'm sure she appreciated that. So we were on two different wavelengths, and experiencing the evening from two different viewpoints. No big surprise there. It does cause me to think, however, that whereas I've been feeling a growing emotional connection with her this week, perhaps SHE has not been noticing it to the same extent, so I'm definitely going to have to talk with her to find out more about this. I obviously need to be up-front about the fact that I want and need to establish a connection with her that will grow and flourish. I'm determined to be "in the moment" with her, and to let her know that I expect her to be "in the moment" with me, at least some of the time, and I think we also need to discuss our respective signalling styles so we can be more in tune with each other. I want to reach a point where she will have enough respect for me that if she knows early in the evening that I want to ML, and she feels it isn't going to happen that night, that she would let me know so I don't feel let down at bedtime. And/or maybe we could work to find a way for it to happen anyway sometimes.
One thing, I bet something will happen this weekend anyway, since she now knows I was hoping to ML with her last night, and she may be more in tune with the possibility in the next few days. We'll see. I also still intend to continue trying to initiate as well. Not only that, but when we DO ml, she's got some additional surprises coming her way... Example: I'm gonna want the light on...
Example: I'm gonna want the light on...
