I didn't say it before, but very sorry you find yourself back here, and also I'm really sorry you are going through this with your W. I've had to contend with two different alcoholic family members and it is just plain miserable. I think the biggest obstacle to overcome is just understanding that THEY are the problem and not us. It's their life-choices that put them in that position, and their stubborn pride that prevents them from seeing what they are doing to themselves and all those around them. Throw in a few enablers and it's the perfect recipe for making those who are just trying to help feel like they are the guilty party.
Originally Posted By: WBM
She refuses to admit that she has a problem, instead saying that I am the only one that has a problem with the drinking, and says that she is not an alcoholic.
Yes, denial is a symptom of alcoholism and is an overt sign that she has not bottomed out. There are a lot of resources on the Internet, here's a blurb from one of them:
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Denial is a major barrier in the way of overcoming alcoholism or drug addiction– an absolutely essential first step is for the person to actually accept that at least they might have a problem. If the person you are concerned about does not admit that they might have a problem (in professional terms this is called Pre-Contemplation), you are facing an, almost, impossible task . If they are able to reach this conclusion, then they may become amenable to speaking to a professional in confidence. If they remain convinced there is no problem, then it is highly unlikely that they will wish to speak to anyone– after all, what would be the point?
The truth of the matter is, you have very little verbal control over a user. Things that you say will have very little control over them, even if they are sober when you say it to them.
Again I'll say you can't fix her, and any attempts you make will just damage your relationship further. First she has to bottom out and realize she has a problem.
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It is so heartbreaking to watch someone that you love so much self destruct before your eyes.
Believe me, I hear you! It's horrible. But you have reached the point where you have to make a choice- walk away or get dragged down with her. I'm sorry but there is no middle ground where she can moderate her drinking and things will get better.
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I am involved on another forum that deals with family members of alcoholics also. That has helped me gain clarity that the alcoholism isn't my fault, that I can't control it, nor can I cure it.
Oh good, you didn't mention that before but I'm glad to hear you've found some support to give you clarity!
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I have held out hope that she will hit rock bottom for years. I guess my own rock bottom is within view, finally.
I think you have to hit your "bottom" which will basically be a refusal to tolerate this further before she can start feeling loss and possibly hit her bottom. You need to be the strong one, especially for your kids. Luckily they are older so their exposure in becoming victims to your W is not as great as if they were children.
