XW getting married tomorrow

[Vanilla]

Let me explain what NC means in this context.

NC means exactly what it says on the tin, NC.

When you have kids that includes an online calender and making contact via that medium and about admin only and no emotional contact. It is parallel parenting not co-parenting. Each parent dealing with their own household and ceasing to talk or think about the other parent.

V

[mvg]

Looking for some advice..

Roughly six months ago in co-parenting therapy (another story for another day) I requested that XW uses text messages for kid's immediate health emergencies only, otherwise to keep it to email. She refused and still refuses. So....

XW calls to FaceTime the kids every night when they are with me. If I don't answer the first time (cooking dinner, playing with kids out back, going to the bathroom, any normal reason) she waits exactly ten minutes then calls back again. She then waits exactly two minutes and sends me a copied/pasted text message from the day before that reads "Hi ...Tried FaceTime twice. I'd like to speak with the boys tonight."

That text message is then sent to both of my email accounts with the subject written as the date and the word FaceTime.

So within 10 minutes, I have two missed calls, a copied/pasted text message and two emails.

Has anyone ever had to deal with this? At what point is it harassment?

[kml]

I'd simply reply, by text AND email, that you were outside/ in the bathroom/ whatever. She's trying to document it to make some kind of case about so document your reply: factual, nonemotional.

Now - is there a way to avoid this problem? Can you have a set time for her to call every night? For instance, tell her you will make sure to have your phone with you at 8:00 pm every night? Or have the kids call her at 8?

[mvg]

In the past, I've tried the set time thing, but it's been hard for me to get it right to the minute being alone with the kids. It's hard getting S7 and S4 to sit down in front of a phone right at an exact time. When it's been a few minutes past, (like 2 or 3 minutes) she will continue calling, texting and emailing that I'm "late for our agreed upon time."

I'm hoping that I won't have to defend myself, factually and non emotionally every day with a response to her documentation. I can't live this way

[focus22]

Sorry you have to deal with this.

I don't have children, so I'm probably not the best person to help, but to me what she's doing seems very unreasonable.

Please someone jump in if this is way off the mark...my immediate thoughts would be to state that the way things are at the moment seems to be causing your XW some distress, and explain what you said, about it being hard to get the kids to sit down at the phone at exactly the right time.

Could you propose a 10 minute/15 minute/20 minute (Whichever you prefer) time slot during which you'll call back?

That doesn't seem unreasonable?

[doodler]

mvg,

Kml is right, your XW is just being an @sshole. There's nothing you can do to fix her @sshole issue, but you can do just a bit of documentation yourself.

Create an email message that explains what's happening regarding your XW's phone calls and propose some solutions to the issue. Maybe she'll respond positively, or maybe not (probably not). Regardless, you'll have your own documentation that you were proactive in trying to resolve the issue. If your wife decides to do some legal maneuvering, then you'll be able to show that you've tried to address the issue.

That's probably the best you'll be able to do.

[focus22]

Agree with doodler.

I'll throw in that I've had some legal dealings/lawyer consultations through my business, and a really big thing is showing that you've been 'reasonable' (at least, over here).

So however much people's behaviour hacks me off, in the business side of my life, as long as I've been 'reasonable' and taken positive steps to address things and try and find solutions, I know that's going to stand me in good stead whatever happens.

[focus22]

Oh, and I use that as a boundary, to protect myself...my inner being, as well as my business.

[J5K]

Mvg

I have a set time and 15 minute window for xW to call. She hates it. When the kids are with her, I use the same 15 minute window. Keep things equal.
I don’t or rarely allow xW to call out of that timeframe.

They don’t get to call whenever the “feel” like calling or because their schedule doesn’t allow.

Since it it in the best interest of the kids, I suggest you propose a two or three windows of time that works for you and see if she can agree to one of those times. She will have that 15 minute window to call but can speak with the kids for as long as she pleases.

[J5K]

Also, I must say, your xW calling the kids daily every time you have them is better than what my xW does, which is go days without speaking to them. It is best for the kids that she is consistent so they know they have two parents that love them regardless of the issues the parents have between each other.