You have already said that you wanted your marriage. You have already said that you are trying to give him space so that he can figure things out.
He's trying to make you responsible for his feelings - NOPE NO WAY.
He just moved out. After reading about your blow up maybe its best he not come around the house for a bit - OR only if you are going to be out. Your kids do not need adult drama at the dinner table. If he can't pull it together long enough for dinner then perhaps he doesn't need to be there?
If its best that he spend time at the house for special needs son then arrange for him to be there for dinner when you are going to be out.
I get that having a sit down family dinner can make everyone feel connected but he is loose cannon right now. He is taking his anger out on everyone. I feel you can draw your line in the sand with this and keep your dignity.
Your H feels trapped in his current situation and he doesn't respect you. This isn't a proper assessment but it is how he feels. You need to draw your boundary in how he behaves in the home around your kids and you. You CAN do this in a loving way.
Look - my male best friend said something to me about his feelings when going through something similar and HOLY COW my H said the exact same thing. When I started making the changes in how I interacted with my H MONTHS before I bought DR my H was pissed. He flat out told me he felt betrayed and that just made him more angry. His view point was this - if I could do all these things now then I was capable of doing then before which just meant I made a choice to ignore him. I don't know how many times my H just said he was just confused by what I was now doing.
Your H is angry. He sees the changes in you Meg. Its unsettling him. Its confusing him.
I get that your gut reaction is to assure him you are not ignoring him but all I can tell you is to keep on doing what you are doing. It's getting to him.
