No, you aren't the only one who sees certain things. I do, too. That's the reason for this post.
I suspect you got too close to discovering the truth behind her mask of niceness, politeness, and living together so civility. I am referring to how you noticed her quickly concealing her computer activity. But you alerted her when you questioned her about it. So, in her particular fashion......how does she throw RR17 off track and distract him, causing him to ask all the same old questions.....time and time again? So, She turns up her niceness a degree..........even calls him to compliment him about his oatmeal! What will RR17 do? Will he start with the questions about why she persists at being so nice? How long will he remain puzzled by such polite and, dare we say.....thoughtful behavior of his W?
Think about it. What have you repeated to ponder over, ever since you joined the board. You just could not figure out why she would be so darn nice, if she was a WW......like previously. You see, she never changed from being wayward......she simply chaged her tactics. The MR never reconciled......It just stayed in limbo. She never showed remorse or put effort toward having a better and more intimate M, did she? In fact, not only were you just roommates......but then she wanted separate bedrooms. Am I correct? If not, please correct me.
She has repeatily said she was leaving (or ending the M) at the end of this school term, right? But in the meantime, you have not seen her act in the same way she did previously, when she was in an A. Are you referring to the niceness and how well you have gotten along? If so, I want to make a comment or ask something. During this time of "getting along", you were letting her sort of do her thing, right? I mean, she'd come home from work and talk about her day.....even repeating the same office stories, while you just listened and validated. Is that correct? (At the time you mentioned it, I didn't know what you meant when you said she was repeating the same stuff....but the lightbulb has come on, at least I think I know what it means). You once said you were always the performer and she was the audience. After you thought the A fizzled and you lived in roommate status.........she became the performer and RR17 was her audience. And, performing is how she has manipulated........or perhaps I should say, maintained this condition of the MR. She has it exactly the way she intends it. She holds you at bay, and keeps you thrown off track by being nice, polite, even showing a degree of thoughtfulness. Surely, a wife that was wayward would not be so nice! At least, that has basically been the theme of all your posts since day one.
All these years you have waited around for her to show you......something. Remorse, interest, effort, affection...........but it wasn't there. She has steadily gotten farther away (no kisses, no sex, no accountability) while you remained in a state of confusion over her nice-neighbor behavior. You have even referred to it as respectful behavior. Are you following what I am saying so far? She has no desire, no attraction, and no intentions of working on this MR. She holds you at arms length, keeping you in this friend-zone......if it's that much, and then you don't make things too hard on her....by pressing her or requiring certain things of her........and she can do whatever she wishes, without you getting any closer and/or wiser. You got a little suspicious and asked her why she closed her computer so quickly, so she had to up the niceness....to throw you off the scent.
Call me crazy, but as long as you aren't causing any waves......she's reasonably contented to live under the same roof with you. But she still has her fantasy, and she probably has OM, too.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
