Should I hang on? - WAW

[MoveFrwd]

I really don't know what my ambitions are. Healthy kids I suppose? I have no desire to continue the marriage. The only thing that is causing me to put the brakes on divorce is the kids. But feelings are fickle. Given the right atmosphere feelings can return.

I dont understand exactly. You dont want to continue the marriage, but you dont want to get divorced.....why not, exactly? Is it better for the kids that you keep this nesting arrangement or is it better to show them how to have a healthy relationship?

Have you read DR? The first two steps involve really figuring out what YOU want. If you dont have that down, there isnt much more we can actually help you with!

I've given her money because I've viewed her as my spouse and that's what we're supposed to do for each other. (I suppose that's turned me into an enabling doormat.)

So if she asks for a $20 bill, lights it on fire in front of your face and then asks you for another one, youd give it to her? Shes living with another man....why are you buying her food?!

While she's not healthy and is busy (boyfriend, school), I would like to have primary custody of the kids, since I feel I can provide more stability.

So what steps are you taking towards that?

18 months ago I was a fearful and somewhat controlling man who always put others' needs before mine. We were codependent; we never did anything apart from each other and therefore had a very poor social life. Since that time I've become more outgoing, I'm not afraid to try new things, I buy things for myself, I go out for dinner and movies with friends, and become more confident. I'm working on GAL still but I've made major steps compared to where I was.

Thats a lot of great starts. Though it still looks like you are putting HER needs in front of yours.

What NEW things are you doing for yourself since 18 months ago? One new hobby? One new friend? etc.

I think I need to set a boundary with the finances. Also, set boundaries for when she is allowed to come to the house. She is kind and friendly so it's not like I'm treated badly.

What EXACTLY do you mean by boundaries? Can you give some examples?

And if this woman who is sleeping in another mans house and waltzing back in and expecting you to serve her like the Queen of Siam isnt treating you badly, Id like to know what you define as being 'treated badly'!

How would you recommend dealing with the irresponsible parenting issues?

What have you tried so far? In my opinion, you may not like how she 'dumps them in bed', but in my opinion, there isnt much you can do while she has that partial custody besides try to talk about it together. What kinds of conversations have you had besides "will you do X, Y, or Z?"