But I made a decision to trust her now. I cannot control her each step - it would make me grazy.
No, you cannot trust a lying cheater. You have to LET GO of her, not trust her. There is a big difference there.
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I am open and share my feelings, and why, I will explain later.
Just be careful with that. When dealing with a WAS it's important to listen and validate, to get THEM to share their feelings. You however should not be doing the same, because to a WAS it just sounds like you're trying to make everything about you. You need to be a rock, a foundation of stone during this.
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This was not particulary new info, but this was different: when I listened and expressed my feelings of sorry that she felt that way in our marriage, she told that for the first time she felt I really meant it - that her feelings mattered something for me. Revolution, but a late one.
Good, that sounds like some excellent validation!
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Then I realized that my detachment that I practiced for 3-4 months now has pushed her even further away from me.
Then you weren't detaching. Detaching is letting go in a LOVING fashion. It is NOT being cold, rude and indifferent. Detaching is what Sandi's rules are all about, and if you read them they are all geared towards the LBS letting go while creating a positive vibe towards the WAS and keeping the way home paved and smooth. THAT is detachment.
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So she clearly is longing for acceptance and when she gets it, she falls to almost any guy (?!). I feel so bad that I never made her feel that special one...
Don't beat yourself up too much. It sure sounds like she has self-esteem issues and could benefit from some IC. It is not your job to make her feel good about herself, she should ALREADY feel good about herself and your support is just icing on the cake. But she sounds broken and she wants to blame that on you. That's not your fault. And by the way, you can't fix her now either.
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Still not closing the door from the wife, but also keeping my eyes open for other possibilities life will bring. I have had heavy GAL going on already for 6 months including gym 5-7 times/week, rekindeling my old friendships, proactively talking with people etc, and that will continue.
