I think this is typical for the spouse to do. I've been on this roller coaster for over a year, and about 6 months ago gradually detached. Since that time, the roller coaster has stopped and she has become more respectful and friendly. The rub is that she has another man for the last several months.
My opinion, based on what IC have said, is that they don't know what they want. They can be searching for a lost identity, or looking for adventure, or whatever. So they waffle between complete independence and interdependence.
