Wow- great questions to help me think things through.
I really don't know what my ambitions are. Healthy kids I suppose? I have no desire to continue the marriage. The only thing that is causing me to put the brakes on divorce is the kids. But feelings are fickle. Given the right atmosphere feelings can return.
I've given her money because I've viewed her as my spouse and that's what we're supposed to do for each other. (I suppose that's turned me into an enabling doormat.)
While she's not healthy and is busy (boyfriend, school), I would like to have primary custody of the kids, since I feel I can provide more stability.
18 months ago I was a fearful and somewhat controlling man who always put others' needs before mine. We were codependent; we never did anything apart from each other and therefore had a very poor social life. Since that time I've become more outgoing, I'm not afraid to try new things, I buy things for myself, I go out for dinner and movies with friends, and become more confident. I'm working on GAL still but I've made major steps compared to where I was.
After thinking about your question, I don't really have any boundaries. I suppose expectations about her being a good parent, keeping her promises, and repaying loans aren't boundaries but are what they are: expectations. After reading the responses, I think I need to set a boundary with the finances. Also, set boundaries for when she is allowed to come to the house. She is kind and friendly so it's not like I'm treated badly.
I haven't valued myself or the kids enough to take a stand. I've been trying to serve and be kind in the hopes that the marriage would be restored, but it sounds like that's not the right approach.
I will work on stopping rescuing her.
How would you recommend dealing with the irresponsible parenting issues?
