GettinT, my WW could have said much the same things that your wife did. I too had the wrong idea of detachment and therefore was afraid that it would drive her away because of my past behavior. I too was critical and judgmental. And due to my W's relationship with her father (where she never felt good enough), she felt she married someone just like him.
I too am sad that I never made her feel (until recently) how special she always has been too me. I like you want her approval and appreciation and I couldn't give a care for anyone else's approval and appreciation. Her's is the ONLY approval and appreciation I care about. (Yes I know detachment says I shouldn't but....)
DBing and DRing is not a one size fits all. The experts here will tell you that. Do what works. If something doesn't work stop doing it. However, the techniques taught by MWD and here will work 99% of the time.
Thanks for the update and keep posting!
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
