Thanks. I let it go. I’ve been reading Sandi2’s posts to Hoosjim. He has a w who also is neither pushing for D not M. Sandi2 has been advising on the undecided WW. It’s been an interesting read. I think I didn’t realize there was this in between space. The I don’t know if I want to be M or D space. Well, Sandi2 said she went through this phase also where even if your thoughts say I should work on this M, there are no feelings for H there and the feelings are more important than the thoughts and the feelings take a long time to come back...at least months. Who said this ain’t a marathon? Well, the good news is w is exhibiting some positive signs:
W is no longer GGW partying
W is not chasing OMs, as far as I can tell without snooping
W tells me where she is going when she leaves the house
W is re engaging with the children, but damage has been done
W is re engaging physically with me, baby steps like pecks on the cheek and this week I’ve started getting hugs
W calls or texts me at least 1x per day while I am at work
W has started doing things for me small things for me again
W is no longer attached to her phone while at home
W opens up to me and tells me about her day
For my part, I have been more focused on me and the kids. I reciprocate when she engages verbally or physically but don’t initiate. I’ve been trying to expectations low. Here are signs she’s not ready to fully re engage with me:
No R talks
No apologies or remorse
No discussion of the future
No discussion of working on the M
So I made a coaching session to see if I should just keep doing what I am doing while she does whatever she is doing in her own head and heart. I keep thinking of Cali and how his XW did this for a few months only to go back to OM. So I am trying to walk this fine line between being open to her steps at re engagement and reciprocating but avoiding pursuit and pushing for more than she wants or is ready for. My heart still has walls around it. I still have trust issues. I still want an apology.
Mach1 and Ginger—have thoughts for you that I will put in another post.
Gordie 40s W 40s M20+ kids 2016 BD W fantasy affair w OM1 I do everything wrong 2017 I start to DB W says TLTL files for D PA w OM2 2018 I do LRT W drops filing and OM2 situation slowly improving
