I have an exBF who was 13 years older than me. The age gap was always an issue for me, not least because he felt he had to tutor me. All. The. Time. It got old really quickly (did you see what I did with that?)
Nevertheless, we were good friends who made each other laugh a lot, and we have remained friends ever since. Now, 30 years later, we have recently had a conversation about large age gaps. His current partner is 20+ years younger and he is finding it very difficult being part of a couple where one is still focused on her career goals and the other just wants to enjoy the fruits of his labour. They don't understand each others' music, favourite movies, TV shows or cultural references. She thinks his friends (he holds onto them for a long time) are old fuddy duddies. He thinks her friends are self-involved, cut throat narcs. They are probably all somewhere in between, but you get the gist.
I realise that a lot of the attraction of a much older/younger person is the different perspective they can give. It can be really exciting to see and experience different things with somebody and, in the short term, has a lot to recommend. Long term though, I think shared experience, culture and values makes living with somebody much easier.
As far as red flags and A's go, I'm a little more on the wavelength of 25. Most of the time it would be a deal breaker, especially if I got an edited version of the whys and wherefores. If there was never a mention of guilt or remorse or how the A could've been avoided that would be it for me.
Also, like 25, a sense of humour. I'm really not interested in somebody who doesn't make me laugh. I suspect I'm not on my own there though
