No, I work hard for love. It is a choice. I have made poor choices mixed with the good. I have been living two lives.
Now what. Focus on my good. Enhance my good. What is bad has been done and I face those consequences now.
Im sorry if you are taking offense to my questioning. I know that it must seem like I am just criticizing without providing actionable direction.
Thats because I still dont really understand your goals and motivations.
I read that you gone through this and then reverted to similar behaviors. It makes it very hard to understand this "lightbulb" moment that you describe. Did it come on several years back and then turn back off? Did you 'fake it' last time and now you are going to do things for 'real'?
To couple to that, you describe your marriage as a high with the "in love" times of passion and a low in the interims. You write that you work hard for love, but I havent seen any evidence of that in your posting except when you felt like you were in danger of losing your W.
So to wrap those things together, I challenge you again. How would your life and your relationship be different this time? What incentive is there for your W to walk down the road shes already walked down twice with you after having bad results both times? To me, those are the questions you should be asking yourself as you structure your goals on how to improve yourself. Until I understand the answers to those kinds of points, its difficult to really give you actionable advice outside of the generalities you are already reciting - "be my best self" and so on.
