Time to start a new thread, the reason for this name is an article I read about how we respond to Life's Challenges and how we either react by finding solutions, or by finding a distraction to help us ignore the challenge or cover up the pain the challenge creates.
Anyway, I'm going to carry over my last post from previous thread and some responses made to it.
Originally Posted By: Coconut
Last Sunday I went to another town about 40 minutes away, I wanted to get some fishing in and there were a couple of places there that I could target specific fish. Unfortunately, 2 of the 3 places I wanted to hit were closed (one was a lake at a vineyard that I didn't know doesn't allow fishing during the winter, and the other was a lock and dam that is under construction). So after fishing the one option I had left for a little while, I decided to grab some lunch.
There's a sushi place in that town that is better than any I've been able to find around me, so I usually stop there to eat when I'm around. I sat at the sushi bar and there was a young lady working that area. When she first spoke to me, I about fell out of my chair, she had the most southern accent I'd ever heard. My town is a military town, so almost no one is from here, so there aren't many with accents.
I love me a southern accent. My first real girlfriend was from NC (trips with her to NC is what made me want to move here), and I guess that since then I've always associated southern accents with that Love. This girl at the restaurant was the most country I'd ever heard. We started chatting and she told me that she grew up out in the country, two stop sign town, and moved to that town to find work. We chatted in between her dealing with customers during my meal and I really enjoyed talking to her... BUT she was around 25
I considered asking for her number, cause I'd love to talk to her more and we did hit it off pretty well, but I just couldn't get past the age difference. But she's been on my mind since. ________________________________________________________
Ok, something else has been on my mind since Ginger mentioned her boundary regarding drug users. I realized that I haven't really tried to define boundaries that I want, so I got to thinking about what are no-go's to me.
I would like to ask you all for your opinions on this, because I'm back and forth on it. Would you date someone who ever divorced because they had an A?
Originally Posted By: Holding
Originally Posted By: Coconut
Ok, something else has been on my mind since Ginger mentioned her boundary regarding drug users. I realized that I haven't really tried to define boundaries that I want, so I got to thinking about what are no-go's to me.
Here's an idea I got from a youtube video: make a list with 2 columns: the traits you want and don't want in a woman. Write down as many things as you can. They can be physical, but include personality and lifestyle choices as well. Then go back and circle the top 10 in each column. This will help you lock down what you're looking for as well as your dealbreakers.
Originally Posted By: Coconut
I would like to ask you all for your opinions on this, because I'm back and forth on it. Would you date someone who ever divorced because they had an A?
As in, would I date someone who had been unfaithful in their M? Absolutely not. Infidelity is a hard stop for me.
Originally Posted By: Ginger1
If I had never experienced what I have, I might have been understanding about the A depending on the circumstances and if there were lessons learned, remorse, ect.
However, I want to minimize my chances of ever going through that again. SO I would have to say a firm "NO".
Originally Posted By: doodler
Coconut,
I like your question because it's simple and provocative.
First of all, most likely the only way you'd learn about the affair is from the person you're dating. If the person were to tell you about the affair, then I would give them kudos for being forthright and honest. What if you were dating a person who'd had an affair but never told you?
Second, if someone told me they'd had an affair back when they were young and dumb, and were ashamed of what they'd done and didn't make excuses for the affair, then I think that person would be deserving of consideration. That is, if everything else is a good fit.
We've all done things we shouldn't have done and that we're ashamed of; I think it's a bad idea to make a black-and-white decision before it's necessary to make the decision.
_________________________ M - 9 1/2 years 5/5/16 - Bomb drop - 3 week EA 10/31/16 - We sold house 01/10/18 - D Finalized
Last edited by job; 03/12/1810:49 AM. Reason: edited to add quotes
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
