Havn't been posting in awhile, the roller coaster ride from hell has finally come to an end. I signed off this mornign on my marriage of 20+ years to what was supposed to be my partner for life, unfortunately she didn't feel the same way. The divorce process was tiring and stressfull at times and filled with a bunch of anger towards my XW because of her actions and the multiple(yes multiple) men she was engaging with and yet she continued to blame and accuse me of being this bad person and parent which I just don't understand and will probably never fully come to grips with it.
Througout this entire process I have come to this site looking for answers trying to find out what went wrong, trying to save my marriage and keep my family together, I did everything wrong for the first 3/4 months, I pursued, I begged, I pleaded for her to change her mind knowing full well that all of you told me not to. I did all the work(180's) on everything my XW said was wrong with me, I just didn't accept the fact that this was for me, not to keep her. Once I realized the true meaning of GAL is when I started to make a change, FOR ME, I have becoame a better parent, a better father that my kids want to be around all the time, my daughter actually asked my XW last week if she could stay and xtra day with dad becasue she did want to be at moms and she missed me! My kids send me messages when they are with mom that they can't wait to come to my house, how can this be?? My XW told me last year that the "kids don't want to be with you becuase you are a bad parent" I realized that I needed to be better and I am so happy that I am making the needed changes to be the best I can for them.
When I sat at my attorney's office this morning I had zero emotion to the end of a great marriage, I wasn't sad or depressed but as the day went on I realized that I have so much to look forward in my life and I can make it exactly how I want it to be. Financially everything worked out for the best for both of us, no one got screwed over, I kept my home and the kids are extremely happy for that, my kids do struggle from time to time but I will be getting them with another IC to help them when needed. I have a lot of work still to do on myself to get me to a place that one day maybe I will jump back into a releationship but that is so far from any thougth right now. My kids will always be my #1 priority so I need to make sure they are ok before I entertain another relationship.
I am looking forward to some warmer weather to get outside and have an entirely new outlook on life. Thanks to all that have given me adivce on how to act and what to do. This all was to save myself, not my marriage, I think i'll be ok with the tools I now have!
