Quote: I'm waiting a bit to have W read it because she's in the middle of the other Dan Brown novel.
Ain't priorities grand?
Woo-hoo... things got BETTER last night. By the time we got in bed, W was much calmer, and still willing to talk! She started by apologizing for being so negative, to which I said her feelings were totally understandable, and she didn't have to apologize for them. I said change is always uncomfortable and scary, and I understood completely where she was coming from. She then said she just wanted me to agree and validate that her meno stuff is not "all in her head", but is based on physical changes in her body. Notice I bolded the word "Validate". So I then said I completely understand and agree that menopause is a physical thing with real symptoms, and pointed out that she didn't need ME to validate that for her - she could do so herself. I also said that if I had said or done anything in the past few weeks (but especially in the past week) to indicate that I thought she was faking, please point it out because that is NOT what I would want to do, and I would want to challenge myself on anything like that.
The original conversation and the one in bed are kind of mixed up in my mind, and I won't be able to give a very clear picture of them, but by the time we went to sleep, she was feeling a lot better towards me, I think. During the original conversation I mentioned that in the book, one of the things Schnarch does to help couples move ahead is to analyze their sexual interactions, using that as a window into other areas of their lives. I said I thought it would be very useful for us to discuss our own sexual interactions in a similar fashion, to see what kinds of interesting information might come to light. I mentioned, for instance, that for us it's ALWAYS in the dark, with eyes closed, and there is very little intimacy or connection between us - it's very much a sequential solitary act for us. So we had a bit of a discussion around that, and I think we're going to have a number of discussions on that topic, I think it will be a fruitful one. She said that the reason she wants the light off is because she doesn't want the kids to be able to walk past the door, see the light on and surmise what's going on.... well, hey, it's a small house, and when we're SLEEPING, the door is always OPEN, so what does she think a CLOSED and LOCKED door (not that anyone's ever tried the handle) would signify? So just as we were falling asleep, I said "What does S18 do when he wants to pull an all-nighter without you finding out?" (answer: he stuffs a towel along the bottom of the door).
Anyway, you guys get the idea. Lots of great discussion. And yes, she was REALLY threatened at first, but she seemed to rise to the occasion at the end. I'm expecting lots of similar events in the next few days as she struggles with herself over this. I think it'll be REALLY interesting when she meets with her C tomorrow... wish I could be a fly on the wall.
Forgot to mention... W and DD20 started at Weight Watchers last evening, and when they got home, and had gotten settled, W comes in and says "So, you want to go in the bedroom and talk?" - she was clearly in a hurry about it, and had a very argumentative and "let's get this over with" demeanor. She said she had a TON of stuff from WW to read, so I said "Why don't you read that stuff first, and we'll talk later. I don't want to have a rushed discussion... I want to have a GOOD discussion." So we read for about a half-hour, and then when she made tea, I followed her into the kitchen and we began our talk there. Continued it into the Living Room, and then (as I wrote above) finished up in bed. Wow, I can't wait to see what the rest of the week has in store. I think we'll make some good progress!
