There are certain things about that I can preach, but I can't practice. Thank you Juju, your words really hit me, that I have to think of me in this situation for once. My empathy is a curse sometimes. I can't do anything without putting myself in someone's shoes. Then I overthink the whole situation. I realize if I don't do what's hard for me, that might be more upsetting to the person. It's a confusing jumble. When you have been hurt and disappointed many times in your life, I think you take two paths. Either say "F you all!" or you are terrified to make someone feel hurt and pain.
So, he texted me something and it lead to the "discussion". and I failed. I began simple and said I don't think we have enough in common to sustain something long term. He said he thought we enjoyed the same things. I said yes, we enjoy a few of the same things, but our goals are different in life. He told me he really wanted to discuss this because he really likes me and maybe he needs to open up more.
I did tell him the truth. I know I should have just ended it and not discussed it anymore, but I did. I told him the fact he does not take his health seriously really bothers me. I told him I am not perfect, I enjoy the good things in life, but I want to be alive and well for me, and I wanted the sky the to be the limit when I become an empty nester. He said he totally understands how and why I feel that way. I also said I understand how difficult it is to lose a job, but anytime I try to discuss or motivate him on what his talents are or passions are, he shuts me down. I said he doesn't seem to care about anything.
He told me he was afraid to open up early or have any deep discussions and he feels like it's something we should talk about. he would prefer in person, but he doesn't want to wait until thursday, so we are going to have a phone convo tonight.
I know. Fail big time. I was hoping he would just let it be, but you were right, he did try to persuade me otherwise.
