25years mlc 10 years pass I FILE #9 LAST LAP

[25yearsmlc]

What you said about H becoming an atheist struck a chord. My W also lost her faith, and things really changed around that time. Granted, she was going through a lot physically, but it makes me wonder. I went to a wedding last summer, and the priest mentioned that in couples that worship together, divorce is very, very rare. I can't confirm the accuracy of that statement, but if it's true, it helps put things in perspective.

There's a statistic that is pretty established that suggests couples who worship together are more likely to see the marriage in a similar light, and that increases the odds of staying married. So yes, going to church and worshipping together is a good thing.

Obviously that became undoable in my m, about 5-6 years ago. I really did not know what to do about it either.

I saw a priest who told me to do my best to model Christian beliefs and not argue about it, so I didn't. I went to mass alone but I went a lot less often. Hard to explain that, other than feeling unsupported and really then, I got lazy I think.

I used to like going together. Anyway, I see a correlation between his anger, his loss of faith, his decisions to turn his back on us, and the lying & deceit that somehow, incredibly, he justified.

But again, I have to remind myself not to apply my values to him. Every time I put myself in his shoes, I am flummoxed by his choices. So it's one of those things wherein I have to remind myself that he does NOT have my values

so there is no "putting myself in his shoes" b/c I don't relate to his values. I don't get it.

I don't get his choices, and I never will.

But we are divorced now, so it's pretty much a done deal. And I'm okay with that b/c in the final analysis, xh did things that were cruel, dishonest, and greedy.

Walking away from our d20 and lying about his "retirement/poverty" and I mean provably lying - stupidly brazen of xh, dang...that's just low. It'll be Hard to come back from that. Remorse and humility are required and it's just not in him.

Xh has always had a problem expressing true gratitude to people. He'd say "thank you" but only rarely, and only for a large favor. He always minimized the appreciation b/c it humbled him even slightly, and the same goes for his apologies. A small one MIGHT come but it never matched the gravity of the wrong. It was odd to me.

I'm not someone who has a problem apologizing, b/c frankly, I assume it's almost a daily requirement b/c I will screw something up. Same goes for "thank yous" because that's also needed. It lubricates life when you say "I'm sorry" and "thank you", life is rougher without those words.

Again, one cannot apply one's own values and standards to someone who does not share them.



Soooo

back to ME and MY plans...which are for now, focused on living abroad this fall.

That's my goal and my hope. It's been on my bucket list for a long time. Getting certified in teaching English overseas, soon. I can add income if desired, by having corporations hire me for business or contract classes, or law in general. I'm headed to a place that allows my dog, (seriously, I LOVE that dog) and that is one factor in choice.

PS

It sure would be nice to get the funding from xh that is supposed to be done within 30 days of the funds being available. Which should have happened by now or very close.

No doubt xh will wait till the 29th day at midnight.

Sheesh, that guy will shake his fist blaming me, and turn from the kids at every turn till he's on his death bed - and then he'll do it some more. He's really disordered. His narrative distorts our marriage beyond recognition and I'm not exaggerating. It's cray cray.

My kids are not waiting for the grand apology and neither am I. I spent too much time in the marriage, waiting for him to wake up and value our family. Not an enjoyable task.

A task that's not mine anymore.