Well, I commend you for having the courage for posting your story. If there is one thing that is more rare to see on the board than a wayward wife.......it is a wayward husband! Let me rephrase that and call you a former wayward husband, since you have stopped your previous behavior that was destroying your MR. FWIW, I am a former wayward wife, and I hope you will accept my warning in the right way. In the beginning, there may be only a few people who have difficulty saying what you want to hear. Spouses like you and like me, have caused so much pain for the majority of the people here. However, if you will stick with it, you will get the information you need.
Just to clarify, are you and W currently attending MC? Have you considered IC for yourself, before getting MC? I mean, if you don't why you acted so badly and took your W for granted and verbally abused her in front of your children........don't you think you need to find out what your problem is......before your MR can be healed?
It is good if you feel remorse and have repented from your former behavior. If you were addicted to gaming, and you were being charged with DUI's........there is a good chance you will be faced with other addictions. No matter how badly you may feel now, if your W gives you another chance.....you may start taking her for granted again. BTW, are you still drinking and going home drunk?
So, if I were your W, I would want to see some assurance that you are getting help with your addiction problem. Having stopped "all of that" is a good starting place, but it doesn't help her trust you that it won't happen again.
Something stood out to me about how your W responded to your bad behavior at the stripper's club. She kept saying, "Why now"? Do you have a clue to what she meant, or did you try to find out? I think those words are key to why she is not responding to you now. I can't help but think it had something to do with her decision to move out when she returned back from that trip a few years ago. She ended up sticking it out with you......instead of carrying through with some other plan. Maybe that other plan was an opportunity that she gave up to be with you. But, you won that round........only to mess up big time. I suspect this is your final chance.
You can save your marriage. You have to save yourself, first, and get the help to make the changes you need to make for you and your family. Whether your M makes it or not......those kids will always be your children and need a decent father and role model. So, you should have a lot of motivation to get to work. I don't say this to beat you down, but hopefully, encourage you to see past your guilt and see those lives that you influence.
By the way, the rules of 180's (as you made reference) do you mean Sandi's 37 rules?
When I joined the board and read DR, I felt it was mostly geared for the LBS.....rather than the wayward or walk-away spouse. However, it still helped me. Remember that you are the one that showed up on the board, and wanting to save your M, so you will be the spouse who gets the information. If you have not read Divorce Remedy, I encourage you to get it ASAP. I don't want to discourage you by saying how rare it is to have a WH post his story......I just wanted you to be prepared.
I hope you will stick with us. There really are some terrific people here who will try their best to support your efforts in turning your life around for the better.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
