Infidelity/WAH, my story pt 12, D on hold

[PsySara]

Nicole,
I miss the man I thought I married, but that man no longer exists or is so deeply suppressed he may never appear again.

WH came home today from WDW. We were cordial and chatted briefly. WH mentioned how hard it was taking care of the kids by himself but also complimented how well behaved the children were. The kids were in a serious need of a bath as well as DD7 needed her hair done. I tossed all three of them in the shower, scrubbed them down and unpacked all the children's things. They are now fresh smelling and exhausted.

WH awkwardly brought up how his family was asking when "we" would come visit. (the main reason I didn't want to go, I knew he'd punt that in my direction) He also mentioned that one of his aunts wants him to go to their place at the end of the month to screen a prospective groom for his cousin. My left eye brow raised in irony, how can he determine who is a good candidate for marriage when his M is being dissolved? His lack of insight is shocking to me even now.

Eventually WH excused himself and went to take a nap. Meanwhile I am still basking in the afterglow of a solid weekend all to myself. I started reading a new book, went out for meals with friends, bought some new clothes and then did some Spring cleaning. WH even commented how nice the place smelled and looked when he came home. I had a GREAT time and look forward to the occasional weekend to just do Sara. WH texted multiple times asking if I was ok. He said he felt guilty I was "alone and lonely" but I assured him I was neither. I felt like he was projecting his own issues with being alone on me, who knows?

This weekend showed me I would be ok with being a divorced woman. Furthermore I would thrive and probably get to unfold my wings for the first time in many years. I sense WH wants to broach reconsidering the D as he was faced with a bit of reality. I am at the point where I feel I need to D him. If he wants to woo me back post-D then he can give it a try. But unless I see 180 from him it's not going to happen. I've given too much of myself to go backwards again.