Now on to what C-nut said. I know we are all divorced right now which doesn't make all our relationships "not decent". But none of mine really ever had the proper elements My ex was horrible to me, and I stuck with it knowing it, knowing he would do something along the lines of what he did, because I was in the most awful place in my life. Too scared to let go. I managed to talk myself into there being love and respect. Sure, we did have decent times, and my ex had a few moments where I did see some real love and that was what kept me going. But our relationship leaves me with shame. Shame for how he treated me and how I ignored it. So there went my 20's. It'll be 10 years since bomb drop in 4 days and what can I say for myself R wise? barely a total of a year combined, a few unhealthy relationships, but they served their purpose at the time, and 2 I loved but they went and left in no time and one of them, well it was a with a MLC'er. I don't "chose" these men, so to say, but I don't meet guys very often. It's really hard for me. I only get out when my ex has her, which is a 1/4 of the time. I have had my child in tow for 10 years whatever I do, wherever I go.
I come here and see in real life, these people who just got divorced and all of sudden they have some guy in their life (or woman) who doesn't loves them and loves their kids, or is patient enough to date slowly. Where ARE these people?!
I love my custody arrangement. I actually told my ex not to even think about asking for 50/50. He never did because he didn't want it. But dating I guess is much easier when you do, or if you have family that help, or when your children aren't so young.
I just wish I met one of these amazing people I read about on here that are found not long after the D. I gave my 20's to my ex and got divorced before I ever left them, and my 30's of course, I gave to my daughter, but that's how I wanted it, but I imagined I would have found that guy who I get my second chance with. But no. For some off reason, it's not in the cards for me.
I went out with a close friend and another friend I hadn't seen a in a long time that I used to work with. She is an amazing woman, but crappy luck like me. Beautiful and smart. We all met working in the ICU together 12 years ago. She got pregnant at 19, had a baby. Dad minimally involved in the life. Parents technically adopted the child for monetary reasons. She is 21 one. Friend is 40. SHe had a long unhealthy affair with a doctor we worked with, didn't work. he was such a player. She met a guy, they moved in together, he did cheat once, she got back with him, she got pregnant again. her daughter is 4 and last year, she caught him cheating and he got rid of him.
We also worked with someone else, actually, her and I started on the same day. This drop dead gorgeous Indian nurse who is 4 years younger than me. Personality to match. She was 22 when we began working. I was married, trying to have a baby at 26. All the men LOVED her. There was everything to love. She and another nurse had a thing going on for a short while. She was a virgin. Then she had another byfriend for a while, that ended. So, she was living the fun single life, with the other young single nurses. I remember one doctor, who I had a crush on when I started working, told me at the Christmas party (we were friendly) "she is smokin' and she is the only person I would ever consider cheating on my wife with". Point of the story is, I always kind of envied her. She moved out to san diego on a whim and loves it there. She began dating this EXTREMELY gorgeous hospitalist back from NJ who also has the personality to match. He flies her back to NJ every chance he gets, takes her to the most amazing exlusive places in NYC... right now, he has rented them this oceanfront villa in Jamaica. I saw the pics on Instagram. OMG!!!!!!! ANd he isn't even pretentious, he just earns a good living and lives it up with his girl.
I am envious. And makes me think "what if" sometimes. But I know if my lfie didn't go as it did, I wouldn't have my baby, and I wouldn't change that for the world. I am also not drop dead gorgeous. All my rambling here is basically me going through some sort of mini MLC, I guess. I feel like I screwed my life by marrying the first douche who ever paid attention to me. Aside from having my daughter, I really did.
That's why I figure I guess, I have been meant to be a single mom. And SINGLE. And I hold out hope, my golden years will be when my daughter is on her own, chasing her dreams. That might just be what my purpose and plan is.
If you stuck around this long. Congratualtions! And please check out my previous post with question.
