Newbie In Need Of Guidance #2

[sandi2]

Now here is a H U G E "if" question. Say she becomes so guilt ridden she decides to out herself to me. Should my approach be the same?

I only ask because I know someone that this happened to. It is a very rare occurrence I know, but I thought it might be worth asking.

Not sure what you mean by "should my approach be the same". Act as if you didn't know anything about it? I don't think that would be completely honest, do you? It's one thing for you to choose not to confront your WW about an A, and to focus on making changes on yourself. But to lie, if your W went to you so guilt-ridden she could not live with herself until she confessed her affair? No, I couldn't support that decision.

I think you should simply tell her that you knew....or had suspected (whichever is the case) and that after you gave careful consideration....you made the decision to make changes by changing yourself, first...........or something to that effect.

You never know how the other person will react when you tell them something, but if you lie or pretend you never knew/suspected........what does that make you? We have to do what we know in out soul is the right thing to do. Just as you feel the right thing for you, currently, is to make needed changes in yourself, rather than confronting your W about her A. That is your decision. It's your life to live. You may later change your mind, and decide you must get this stuff out in the open and settled......IDK. However, I'm pretty sure if you were to pretend you never suspected an A after she is eaten up with guilt........only to change your mind later, and tell her you knew all along.........that would not be a wise decision! I think our spouses are smarter than we often give them credit, and they certainly can read us like a book, if you know what I mean........so I don't suggest you pretend to be shocked if she should confess some day.

If I misunderstood what you meant, please explain.