hairdog, I can't ad much more than Tim has already said as far as your post. I will say that you must be able to empathize with her and her issues before you can even begin to do for yourself the things you need to do.
Don't "poor thing" her but do show her empathy and stop internalizing her lack of desire for sex and making it about you. It's about her. May not even be in the same way that I have described here about myself and my situation but whatever is going on, it is about her and not you.
By the way, I'm a perfectionish too. For as long as I can remember my mother has said, "if you want something done right get Cathy to do it." I learned at a very early age that I was good at what I did but I was never taught to forive myself even if I tackled something I didn't feel I was all that good at. My father tells me I'm a quitter, my mother tells me I'm the best. I work hard at proving her right but, many, many times I prove him right. Now, the only person I need to prove anything to is myself. Cathy
