I guess what I'm saying is I would generalize my life to say I haven't had one decent R in my life either, but I had decent moments in my R's.
I guess I'd say I had many years of a decent relationship until it became a crappy relationship. But I'd also say I haven't yet had a relationship that was the equivalent on their side of what I have to give on my side. My ex made me feel loved at times, but never beloved. My last boyfriend made me feel beloved, which was grand, but then of course it turned out he was lying to me about almost everything else. I'd love it if I found what the last boyfriend gave me in a stable package - that may or may not ever happen. But I understand your feeling - I felt it to before I married my ex-husband, and at least with him, I felt I belonged for a long time. Now I don't care - I carry my sense of belonging around with me and it doesn't depend on someone else - but of course, I have a few decades on you.
