Hi rminer, as always with Sandi, you are getting some great advice. I haven’t read your story from the beginning, sorry, but reading recently I understand how hard it can be to change the thought process. I to was a guy that would do anything for my family, my W, always trying to make sure she had everything she wanted but along the way I forgot about me and my life. I had nothing except for work and home... It took awhile to get out of the place but I did..
Suggestions I would make are to look for Meetup groups or FB groups in your area. Over the last 2 years I have joined about 8 different groups from hiking to Expat, and it’s all about getting out and meeting people, talking to people other than your kids. It’s great that your kids want to be with you, I know this feeling, just yesterday my D5 says she wants to have 6 days with me and 4 days with W and it’s because I play with them, listen to them and involve them in activities. Another thing I did was that I found a local sports team and starting taking the kids on Saturday nights when it falls on my weekend. It’s not high level so it’s cheap but it is different. W doesn’t do anything like this with them.
Like Sandi said, get on that calendar first and say you are going out. Make plans and stick with them.
When you think she won’t see, trust me, she will especially since you are still in the same house. I have been physically separated for 2 yrs now and W is still tracking me.. Even yesterday, she picked up D from my place, I handed her a bag of some food that D likes since I don’t see the kids for 5 days now. W first question was “Are you going out of town?” I said no but I’m rarely at home when the kids are not here, (which is true), W stood on the doorstep for 5 mins not saying anything, looking lost, like she couldn’t process that information... Inside I smiled.
Getting out there and meeting people will change your outlook, will help take away that focus on W and bring back the confidence in yourself. Save yourself first then you will see how things go...
