Quote: but the fun in this process is that we (hold on...metaphor alert) "are adding and changing the position the rocks upstream to fix the erosion that's happening a mile downstream."
Wow AD...great metaphor. I'm definitely going to chew on that thought the rest of the day.
hmmmmm....what if you KISS (Keep it simple....sweetie )? Just talk to your W about what you're reading and finding out about yourself. How it makes you feel, what you want to change. Just like if you were sharing your day at work. No big set-up, schedule, or advance warnings ("ALERT, W, I'm going to talk about what I'm feeling and thinking at X Day and X Time. BE PREPARED!"...just teasing you a little. ) No expectations/requirements about her role in the conversation or what her reaction is going to be...or that she will even HAVE a reaction. You're just sharing a bit of yourself as part of daily conversation.
Best wishes, MPT, who understands the role and importance of pollen, but wishes it didn't drain her of all energy.
hmmmmm....what if you KISS (Keep it simple....sweetie )? Just talk to your W about what you're reading and finding out about yourself. How it makes you feel, what you want to change. Just like if you were sharing your day at work. No big set-up, schedule, or advance warnings ("ALERT, W, I'm going to talk about what I'm feeling and thinking at X Day and X Time. BE PREPARED!"...just teasing you a little. ) No expectations/requirements about her role in the conversation or what her reaction is going to be...or that she will even HAVE a reaction. You're just sharing a bit of yourself as part of daily conversation.
Best wishes, MPT, who understands the role and importance of pollen, but wishes it didn't drain her of all energy.
Quote: I remember going through this same thing when I read it. Trying to talk about it with my H and then I realized that ultimately this was about me, and not him. I told him about the book and then dropped it. If he is ever interested (which he will not be, I'm sure!) he can read it.
You've inspired me to go back and read SSM from the beginning and only think of myself while reading it - then hide it from H so he doesn't feel pressured to read it.
Not disagreeing with you, MPT, or maybe I am. The whole point of this process is that it is not easy, simple or comfortable. Remaining in your comfort zone makes growth impossible. The very fact that I am moving out of my comfort zone will move W out of hers - there's no help for it. Even nature (evolution) does not progress smoothly and quietly - it happens in fits and starts. Childbirth is not a nice, quiet process, it is violent and painful, for both the mother and the child. That does not make it any less important (it makes it MORE so). Stars are the brightest things in the heavens. The birth of a star is an incredibly violent process, but without that process, life would not be possible. I know what I'm saying SOUNDS like an adversarial thing, but it is what it is. If one doesn't upset the apple-cart from time to time, the apples will rot. Sorry, I'm not as good as AD at metaphors...
OK Tim, now I better understand your motives behind the desire to have the discussion. Your expectations seem low, you motives seem to be about what you are feeling and learning. I will agree with what Dave said, we all have the right to take a stand and do it in our own time frame.
You are showing her respect by giving her a heads up on changes she is going to be seeing in you. I'm getting it, I'm getting it!! Cathy
I have no idea whether your conversation about what you are thinking and feeling is going to upset the applecart or not. I'm wondering what is your purpose in setting such a conversation up in the manner in which you did it? What does doing it that way do for YOU? I'm merely offering an alternative way of having these kinds of conversations.
BTW, there are lots of changes and growth in this universe that are amazing, yet do not involve drama. I have no idea whether your growth in this area is going to be filled with pain and drama. But I do see the way you went about this as making drama more likely. If the growth is going to require pain and anxiety then trust me, it will happen without your doing anything to help it along.
The pain is not the birth.
Best wishes, MPT, whose done natural childbirth with no drugs and had an epidural. In both cases, the children were born.
Well I just put some more money in Dr. Schnarch's pocket and re-ordered the book from Amazon (even though I bought it a few years ago - but can't find it). You have got me too curious. I am feeling a great need to look at this HD/LD situation from a ME perspective (as in, changing myself).
Quote: I'm wondering what is your purpose in setting such a conversation up in the manner in which you did it?
Because it was the only way I could. If I hadn't raised the issue this morning, it would have been FAR harder to get into a situation this evening where such a conversation was possible. My only intent, initially, was to "set up an appointment" to have a discussion. W's reaction forced the issue somewhat, and I know I didn't handle myself very well at the time, but hopefully with practice I'll get better at it.
)? Just talk to your W about what you're reading and finding out about yourself. How it makes you feel, what you want to change. Just like if you were sharing your day at work. No big set-up, schedule, or advance warnings ("ALERT, W, I'm going to talk about what I'm feeling and thinking at X Day and X Time. BE PREPARED!"...just teasing you a little. 
) No expectations/requirements about her role in the conversation or what her reaction is going to be...or that she will even HAVE a reaction. You're just sharing a bit of yourself as part of daily conversation. 