I also want to say that there is a light at the end of this tunnel. Healing takes time. I am still triggered. (He left in the summer of 2015 and I only found out about the addiction within the past year)
I do not miss him nor do I miss our relationship. I just feel traumatized by it. By the double life. I am coming to terms with the fact that I was probably more of a cover for him then anything else. We were together for over 15 years. But he always seemed a bit empty to me. no real imagination or engagement or passion. I thought for a long time he was on the spectrum.
Since he has been gone, I barely get sick. I get more time for myself and now he is forced to contribute financially.
I am dating a man that is extremely generous. Wants to spend time with me. And has similar experiences with his ex.
Things are slowly getting better. I have ups and downs.
