Quote: I think it is important to not let this board become the 'soother' of anxious feelings.
Corri, that isn't what I'm asking for. I fully accept that I'm going to be very afraid as I move through this. I'm sorry I wasn't more clear. I WANT YOU TO CHALLENGE ME as appropriate. If what YOU say INCREASES my anxiety, I'll know we're on the right track. I'm going to need help challenging myself. I know that going in. I'm going to find it VERY uncomfortable to work at this. That's like the pain inherent in ANY kind of healing. It means the healing is happening. That's all good. I do NOT expect or hope for you to comfort me, which is good because I trust that's not what I'll get from you anyway. Challenge me. Ask me HARD questions about what I'm doing and why. That will help me to grow, I think. One thing I've been doing this morning, is imagining what shape my discussion with W might take this evening, and working out in my mind things I will want to say (and things I will NOT want to say). One thing I think I need to try to get across to her, is that this is NOT about me wanting to "get her to change" - it's not about me browbeating her into something she doesn't want to do, it's not about me hounding her for HER to do something. I won't be nagging her about reading the book, or about anything else. It's about ME challenging MYSELF to do what I think is the right thing to do. It's about ME challenging MYSELF to grow in new ways. I'll be saying that I'm about to begin making some changes in MYSELF, and some of these changes will change the way I relate to her, and reading the book with me will help HER to understand these changes better, but I'm not asking her permission to change, and I'm not going to "wait for her" to make changes on her own. I'll be saying that this book has given me some profound insights into the dynamics of marriage, and into what it means to explore one's potential, and having seen the possibilities, I feel compelled to pursue them. If I'm able to take that position and hold onto it, I think it will really freak her out initially. I'll also be saying to her that she can EXPECT that her anxiety level will increase, and that if she's willing to read the book with an open mind, I think she will find a great deal of help to cope with that. Anyway, just some thoughts...
