I felt like I'd like to update my sitch a bit. I have thought about writing something before but I've been pretty busy lately. Nowadays, I mostly do stuff that I personally enjoy doing and I don't ask what others want, but one additional motivator for this update (and probably upcoming ones too) is that I remember people wanting to hear how the sitches have progressed during the months and years - without the original writers just disappearing.
OM moved in to live with my XW and my kids at some point during the last month. I wish I would have heard this from XW since even though it probably isn't my business, they are still living with my kids. I can't push my morals or my views on others and I try hard to get away from the old, analytical, self - still can't fathom how quickly they decided to do this. Mainly because I fear my toddler is going to be more attached to the OM than me. I do realize this is a useless emotion and I am not going to borrow problems from tomorrow. I can only be the best dad now and trust in the process.
I am not a religious person but I truly do believe this happened for a reason. I am far more happier than I have ever been in my life previously. Why is it surviving the divorce, huh? I call for a thriving after the divorce subforum! I understand FAR more about myself and other people, how emotions come and go, how pessimism and optimism differ, how each one of us here deserves the best, what co-dependency is, what validation is and the list goes on.
I have lived my entire life in fear. Fear of failure, fear of what other people might think about me, fear of not living up to my own or my parents/friends expectations, fear of rejection, fear of not making it, fear of sucking in something... Why? Because even though as silly as these common sense factors might sound, they are all but that! Before you truly learn to stop and UNDERSTAND fully your emotions, you will never understand these factors completely. I have always tried to go past these fears and to cope with them, accepting that it is just how I am. F*#" that s&�@! Now, I push myself daily. Fears are only beaten by facing them - and by doing that, understanding how useless they are; the mind tricking boundaries created by your own brains.
I am a YouTuber now. I figured making a video series of my life improvement on learning the thing I want to do while showing my struggling to others helps both me and them. I get over my fears and they see other people are walking in the same shoes. I read so many forum posts about people having issues learning this particular thing and I truly believe it's the same issue I have. In addition, this gives me a good routine and constantly reminds me of my changes and what I have to be working on in myself. I think having a routine and consistency are the most important factors in this process. This isn't all what I do but it does take quite a bit of work. I am slowly coming out of the consumption rut towards the creative awesomeness. I am truly challenging myself and even when it sometimes feels like smashing my head to a brick wall, after I've completed the hard task, I feel really good. Life is about learning, growing and challenging oneself.
I've read about a dozen books now. Most about self-improvement and such, but also books about history, leadership, innovation and so on. I never thought I would like to read this much. I find it funny how some of the books I would have never read at all, but I just started reading and found them fascinating later on. Maybe this falls to the "take action before waiting for the feeling" -category. Don't judge the book by its covers, literally.
This post is already a bit too long and all the sitch related stuff was mentioned at the beginning. However if someone reads this far and is still struggling, I remind you that it is only temporary. You will get better. You deserve the best. I leave all the rest motivational stuff for others as there's been quite a many good posts lately (unless asked, of course)
In my thirties, BDd 2017, divorced 2 young kids new relationship
