Well, I've made a start. This morning on the way to work, when we were alone in the car, I told W that tonight I want to discuss with her "that book I've been reading this week." I've learned that if I want to get into a discussion like this with her, I need to "set the stage", or "make an appointment", otherwise the evening will go by and I won't get an opportunity. Very predictably, her anxiety level immediately shot through the roof. BINGO! Her first comment was along the lines of "See, I knew it. You latch onto one thing, and get obsessed with it, and... all of a sudden the pressure's on. I've been reading all kinds of books, trying to figure out 10 things at once, and I've been feeling like we're working together on something, and things are getting better, and then here you go again, and I'm feeling overwhelmed." I said I understood that, but I feel it's important for both of us to read this book together, and I mentioned my belief that when she starts reading it, it will help her with her feelings of being overwhelmed, and help us focus on solving the important issues. Even though I count it as an act of cowardice on my part, I was glad the drive was so short, and that I was getting out of the car to go to work, because I'm pretty sure I'm not yet far enough along to be able to hold onto myself very well while maintaining close proximity in the face of this. At the very least, I would have trouble with self-soothing, and in our first few discussions, I bet I'll find it necessary to break off, go somewhere and cool down, regroup and return. In fact, I may mention to W that we should make an agreement right in the beginning that if either of us feels overwhelmed and needs to take a break, that we can do that, and the other will not take that as a sign of rejection or not wanting to discuss, but just that we need to cool down so we can have a rational discussion. I also know that when (if) she begins reading the book, her anxiety will reach exponential proportions, at least at first, because "that first chapter is a doozy." I'll be wanting to ask her to keep an open mind as she reads it, and not tune out, although that will be her immediate reaction, I'm pretty sure. Who knows, though, she might surprise me. I'm not expecting a very peaceful Friday evening, tho...
