Has he stated what he wants? Not that his thinking is clear or that you should care, its more about how can you get what you need with the least damage or effort for you.
He doesn't say anything. (Especially now that he's changed his phone number.) 3 weeks after he moved out in July 2015 he said he was going to have his lawyer file for divorce. That never happened. Since then, he has not ever once said the word "divorce." It's actually kind of funny the way he's worded things to specifically avoid using the actual word.
But he's not changed his stance. He's just continued to stall and make all kinds of silly excuses for not moving things forward.
When it got to a point where silly excuses were no longer cutting it, he just started ignoring me when I tried to discuss moving things forward.
Now you might ask why I have been continuously trying to move things forward if I've been torn about it.
My answer to that is that he has moved really far away, lives with OW and has a new job he appears to be excelling in (and his job is working for the city so he's literally tied to his new life in so many ways).
He has had an entire new life now for almost 2 years. He's been gone for almost 3 years. I can't deny that it looks like he is never going to turn back towards me. Even if he wanted to, the easier road is staying where he is. It would take a tremendously huge amount of courage and work for him to leave what he currently has, and as we know, MLCers will take the easier path every time.
What he has: He lives in a lovely little house with OW, who herself has a good paying job. He has a new career working around very important people that seems to make him feel important (which is his biggest issue) even though it pays a lot less than the job he had (and hated) when we were married. And he lives in an area that allows him to golf all the time, year round, and even better, he can golf for free because he also works at a golf course part-time.
What he would be returning to: He'd have to leave his new job, which I don't see happening unless he miraculously gets offered something in this area that he feels would make him feel important. On top of that, I have no home of my own, live with a relative, have cancer, need a job, and I live in an area where it snows and the weather is only nice about 5 months out of the year.
The sad fact is he has gone so far in his MLC behaviors that he has made it almost impossible to turn around. Circumstances seem to be very, very against us ever reconnecting. Just as I got cancer, he got a successful new career.
It does seem as though circumstances have aligned to make it easy for him to continue on in replay feeling as though he has made the right choice (he moved far away and has not really faced any consequences, his new job seems to be working out, etc).
