An interesting thing happened this morning. I'm not quite sure what it means, if anything.
I make my lunch every day. Along with a sandwich and a drink, I've been packing a bananna and an apple every day for about the past year. I eat the bananna around 11:00, and the apple in the late afternoon. W knows I do this, because she buys the fruit, and she keeps replenishing them. We've even had many, many conversations about apples, because she knows I prefer Delicious apples, and sometimes we are both frustrated by the quality of the apples she's able to find. If an apple (or several of them) turns out to be too hard or otherwise not quite "up to snuff", I discuss it with her, and she appreciates that because she then tries different ones or buys them from a different store next time. I don't "blame her for the apple", but she knows how much I enjoy them and wants to get the best ones for me. So the point, so far, is that she is VERY aware that I bring an apple and a bananna every day.
This morning, we were pretty rushed, because S18 needed to get to school 15 minutes earlier than usual, which meant we had to get through our morning routine more quickly. She usually makes lunches for the kids, but this morning neither one needed a lunch, so that worked out. She emptied the dishwasher while I prepared my lunch. Before I had finished, however, it became obvious that we were going to run out of time, so she offered to finish packing my lunch so I could brush my teeth and we could get out the door on time.
After dropping S18 off at school, I had hoped I might take advantage of the time alone in the car to tell her a bit about PM and ask her to read it with me, but it's a short drive, and her normal chit-chat took up all available time. As I became aware that I wouldn't have time to bring up my subject, I caught myself starting to feel a bit annoyed, and took a deep breath and got past it. My schedule is just that, my schedule. I realized I could wait another day, and the world wouldn't end. As she dropped me off at work, I kissed her goodbye, then retrieved my briefcase, laptop and lunch from the back.
As I picked up my lunch, I noticed that it contained only the sandwich and drink. I made a little surprised noise, and when she asked me what was up, I said "Oh - no bananna and no apple." but just in a tone of "I wasn't expecting that" - not in a negative or accusing tone.. I was just taken by surprise because the lunch bag felt different. She was immediately sorry, and very apologetic, and asked if I wanted her to bring the fruit later in the morning. I said "No, that's okay.. I'll survive." My tone was again, more self-deprecating and humorous, not the slightest bit put out. I wanted to make sure she didn't feel I was angry with her, which I wasn't.
Now... that's the interesting part. I could have attached all kinds of meaning to that moment, but it never even occurred to me. I have in the past gotten worked up over the fact that whereas she makes the kids' lunches, she never makes my lunch, even when her lunch-making duties are lighter than usual. I think had this happened a week ago, I would have told myself all kinds of things about how she never pays any attention to me, how she KNOWS FULL WELL that I bring fruit in my lunch every day (after all, she buys the stuff, and we discuss it regularly, so WTF?), and I would have seen it as JUST ONE MORE EXAMPLE of how I get the short end of the stick. But this morning, there was NONE of that - just "Oh, well, I'll survive. She forgot because she was in a rush, that's all. She was not doing it to spite ME."
A short time later, she called me and again offered to bring an apple and bananna mid-morning, which I accepted. She called me just before she left home, and I waited what felt like about the length of time it would take her to get here, and when I went downstairs to meet her, she was just pulling up as I was coming out the door. Talk about timing!
Anyway, I'm not sure what meaning I want to attach to these events, other than that I'm learning how to deal with myself, and be more accepting of her.
