[Gordie]

Helena,

I had to reply to your post because I think with some changes in details my w could have written a post like this. I am really impressed at how balanced your perspective is. It seems like you see both his contributions to the breakdown of your m as well as your own.

One hurting man’s perspective:

Your h probably doesn’t think what he did in the m was that bad. He probably sees himself as a good h and father. He provided. He is an active and engaged father. Yes, maybe he drank too much. And don’t most guys look at porn? No, he wasn’t as connected as those romantic dating days, but you’ve been together for 20+ years and those things fade and that’s okay.

Your h thinks you crossed the line with the band mate. It crushed his soul. It made him feel unloved and abandoned and inadequate. You are going to risk your m to good guy, steady h for the toothless dude who doesn’t have a real job? Somehow. He worked through that and kind of forgave you and was willing to put that aside to keep the family together. And then the office party? You talked to joe in accounting for two hours and acted like a teenage girl at a Justin Bieber concert who just “lost track of time.” Give me a freaking break. You were in such a romantic fog you didn’t even notice when I left. Everyone noticed and I was totally and utterly embarrassed and humiliated. I am angry as heck and you act like this is no big deal...which makes it worse! Well, this time I am done. Done. Done.

***

Can your m recover from this? Well, it doesn’t look like it today and you can’t predict the future. But I believe anything is possible which is why I hang around here. Post more and maybe we can help.