In limbo with WW on antidepressants

[25yearsmlc]

Steve,

sorry you are here, but it's a good place to be for crummy reasons.

You posted a few things that confuse or concern me. You mention the EAs as if they are the big deal breakers in the marriage (I'm not minimizing them. That would hurt any spouse).

But even though you concede that there were issues before then, you were apparently content to ignore them. Can you explain?

For instance, you wrote that you had not had sex but a few times the previous year.
That's a red flag with a blinking strobe light to me. Why was that not addressed?

You also wrote the following:

Couple this with my anger, resentment and constantly making derogatory statements and it was the perfect storm.

What are you doing about these^^^ ? Can you imagine any woman, regardless of her age or medication, just taking this type of behavior? is it possible that part of the reason she was depressed was the way you treated her?

What if the medications helped keep her in the marriage? (I'm asking).

Finally, I'm not clear about your threat that she has to shape up or you'll file for divorce and you give an actual date. Aside from the vagueness of what it is you feel she must do for you to not file...

I have never seen that work and frankly, given the issues of your own which you need to own, couldn't she make the same threat?

in fact SHE did say she wanted out of the marriage. Then you came here to save the marriage, not her. But you are also trying to hold the divorce sword of Damocles over her head. I worry that you are deflecting from your own work and staring at hers. A lot. That you are in a power struggle with her of who can walk out first or fastest and who will "win", etc.

Maybe if you stay in your sandbox and don't worry about what she's doing in her sandbox, you would have more success.

There are a lot of issues that went into her reaching out to other men, and they are not small issues.

What do you think you can do in your sandbox, without checking on hers?