Dejavue MLC H

[ruhappy]

#2780545 - 03/04/18 10:52 AM 2nd Round MLC ? Dejavue?
ruhappy Online
New Member

Registered: 03/03/18
Posts: 6

2014 H came home drunk text appeared on his phone while he was passed out. Discovered PA. I shattered to the core. Lost a lot of my hair my job and realized I loved this man more then myself and had work to do. He couldn’t take seeing me so sick so he moved out. 4 months went by and he agreed to counseling. We went for approx 4 months then he moved back on then no more counseling.

2016 Things seemed good again overall however approx every few months he would go off the grid and come home completely drunk. He worked in NY plus traced a lot due to work.

Fall of 2016 H diagnosed with prostate cancer. December 30th sx. April 2017 H corporate buy out. Next 6 months helped me with my work and we went on some really nice trips, and invested in a class b motor home by October 2017. Plus celebrates our 30th anniversary in Niagara falls. Then end of October came home so inebriated he got aggressive physically so 25 D called police on him so cop took him to sleep off. Found out he resumed a EA with previous W.Next day he agreed to get counseling for himself and said the EM was not going on just a sick curiosity of what she was doing.

November offered a new executive job in Florida. As a family we didn’t think it was a good decision to take but he accepted anyway.

January we decided we needed to get an apartment or but a condo down in Florida. Flew down picked out furniture and house good with him. However he got lease in his name only refused to give me a key and by February he said he is happier living by himself and wants to be alone.

February 13th I fell on black ice fractured my R arm and herniated disc in my back. He came home until my sister was able to come help from out of state then he said he no longer loves me and wants a separation and left. My health got worse and I have lost 30lbs in past 3 weeks as nothing is staying inside me.

Doing my best to make sure I am following up with dr. For now he is paying the bills however since November he has paid 35,000 on credit cards which is so out of character of him and when asked about it and expressed concern H gets defensive and gaslights saying things like I am not a drunk womanizer.

Financially I am concerned because at this rate of spending our savings account will be drained within 6 months. How do I handle that situation if he gets angry when I want to discuss finances?
In the meantime I am not calling texting or emailing and he is 6 states away so I have no idea what is going on but trying to work on my health and well being.

He does email me approx 2 times a week and I try to just be respectful and courteous as I have no idea why he is contacting me if he wants to be left alone and live alone.

H last email was to say hope you are well and I want you to know it’s okay to speak over the phone if I want too and that he doesn’t want me to think I can’t then he says you say hope your okay well I’m not always but I try.

I have no idea what to say or how to respond anymore as HE left me all while I am physically not well and emotionally sad this is happening again. He knows I love him he knows I care he knows I would love to have a healthy adventurous life with him however it’s not what he is saying he wants so why would he think I would want to talk about anything or share anything if he doesn’t want a life with me now?

I have heard him say that I am controlling, nagging, wanting him to fail and feel guilty. His perception of the past and me seems twisted so how am I to resolve as this is not the person I normally know.

I have ordered the DB book, watching Michelle’s videos and trying to understand where I went wrong, how to cope, and what steps I need to do in order to not shatter again all while not giving up on my marriage.

H 50
M 52
D 25
SIL 25
Married 1987
D Day 1st 11/24/2014
Separate 4 month 2015
D Day 2nd 2/13/2018
Separated 2/24/2018

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