Chapter 5 - Turning over to a new page

[bigybiz]

Sandi2:

Thanks so much for responding to my post. I so value everyone's input. Again, you hit the nail on the head.

Yes, when I started the renovation projects it was to demonstrate that I can change and I'm willing to right past wrongs, etc. From the hobby/GAL point of view it's awesome. It makes me feel great, the house is turning into something fab. It's a great conversation starter and a fabulous excuse to have friends and neighbours over for drinks etc.

Yes - you are right. It is a revenge tactic. I love showing off to her. All the changes, activities I'm doing with the kids, how great I look, how we are living as a family and she's on her own, etc. That's not my entire motivation. My business is still struggling, that should be my main focus. But it's not. No matter how hard I try to "Let Go" and "Detach" the addiction continues. I do have some days where I say "Wow, I didn't obsess at all" Still work to do. Also, my business is still struggling. Need help there too.

Where are things - still tense. Yes, O/M is in the picture. He lives far away so I think he visits once a month. I've cut her off from family activities, meals, etc Including, S12 birthday with my family. When she asked why she couldn't come I told her it's because you are seeing someone else." Her response was "I guess I had to hear you say it" She still will not return my messages, voice mails, etc, Then get's ticked off when something happens that she claims she didn't know about. Quite frankly, why did I let her pick the colours and the flooring - why not? She was upset, it didn't bother me at all. What she chose was fine. I had 0 expectations that anything good would come from getting her input.

Thanks for keeping me on task re: the GAL. GAL slows down in the winter in Toronto. The motorcycle gets put away and most people hide until April. I checked my calendar and figured out that at least twice a month (since December), I'm out with friends, having company over. Plus, hanging out with other "adult" relatives e.g. sister, cousins. I'm not sure if that's enough? What do you think? Does MWD have a "formula". Since the crisis began, I've made a conscious effort to make new friends and go out, etc. You may remember way back in 2016 - I made sure I was out twice a week. Many of the "Shoulder to cry on " friends have stopped calling. Even though I've made a conscious effort to not talk about marriage, etc. I've made new friends who don't know the "married" me.

What is the trick to detaching? I'm super busy, I'm learning new things, I've reinvented myself, I look different, I'm way more confident, 100x better father. Aside from trying to date and fill my head with someone else - what is the secret. It's not that I don't want to. I would love to kick this.