Gordie, bttrfly: sorry somehow I missed your questions/posts and the thread got pushed out with other ones, many apologies didn't mean to ignore.
Not much has changed, I am doing fine, going back and forth between my two homes. Wife came and stayed with me for 10 days, she seemed a bit less centered but still doing much better than a few months ago. She was a bit more "self absorbed." We had a few talks over many nights, most initiated by her or something that happened (I didn't push). Some were a little frustrating, but most were very clarifying. We both got to say some things, I did spend a lot of time listening and validating her, but felt she was centered enough to tell her more about how this year has been for me. It was difficult for her but she didn't make excuses or push it off and I kept re-itterating none of it was meant to make her feel bad, that I am an adult and responsible for my choices and the consequences of deciding not to walk away (she did get that it applies to her too).
I also did tell her that I am starting to approach the end of my tolerance in limbo. Not right now, not today but this was not an indefinite situation. This, to my surprise, definitely brought out a reaction and she pointed out that I had said I would wait/continue on with my life and give her time to decide. She was grateful for that and although surprised acknowledged that it was a finite process.
Most interesting part (which probably will not fit what most people here believe) is that after one year of separation I have started casually dating someone (my wife kept insisting I "shouldn't be alone, I should see people, I deserve to be loved" etc). This wasn't the reason, I just decided I was ready for a casual relationship. It has been very much fun and energizing and the person I am seeing is fully briefed to the situation and she isn't looking for anything serious at the moment either.
When through some question this came up I did mention this to her and her response was essentially "wow I am so happy for you" following by "I feel sick to my stomach." Considering her constant statements about how I should see others, how she doesn't feel "love" for me it was interesting to see how she is split in two and both parts are fully operating in her. But that seemed to definitely cause a small recognition that I have moved on, that I am not there as "plan B." I am not expecting anything to change, just observing.
So what's next? She left on very friendly terms, plans to see my by end of this month and return home for a little while. This will be the longest we would have been together for over a year. And I am right now in a perfectly calm place, my life is still moving on and the only thing in limbo is a decision on whether to part ways or wait and see. My plan still is to wait until my wife finishes her way through her MLC, and when she is out of crises she and I can evaluate whether or not to rebuild our marriage. If I have to guess she still has at least a year or longer before she sorts everything out for herself. I believe we are very compatible people, and we have shared an amazing 23 years of growth and would definitely want to rebuild and continue. But jury is still out obviously.
