It takes 2 people for a marriage to work. Only 1 for it to fail.
I think its damaging to the soul, to really believe that you have much power in changing your wife's failure to work on your marriage. Once someone has had an affair, they have already elected to end the marriage. She has ended it already. She shows no signs of remorse or desire to work on your marriage.
All that she is doing right now is cake eating, gas lighting, and villifying you. You will end up with a new case of post traumatic stress if you continue to allow it.
Many of us come on here and villify ourselves. Then other posters on here villify us too. So that we continue to believe that if only we keep our (very justifiable) emotions to ourselves, they will not leave. IF we just validate their behavior, they will not leave. If we change things about ourselves that are human, they will not leave.
Marriage is for those that are committed. Your wife is not committed.
As soon as you let her go. You will feel better. More empowered. Healthier. You deserve more. She is not a prize. Would you ever pursue a woman that has a young child and is married? No. Because someone that does that is not the type of person you would want to be married to. This is her. You are worthy of someone loyal.
What your doing right now is not healthy for you and that is why you are feeling the way you do.
Take back your power.
You can love someone but you need to love yourself more.
