Well, I'm now up to page 350, and no longer quite as certain of how I'll proceed. For the moment, I'm content to continue reading and consider my options (I have OPTIONS!!). The farther you get in this book, the more challenging the process seems to become. The chapter I'm on now is called "Your Crucible Survival Guide", and it contains a whole list of "Do's" and "Don'ts", such as
Don't count on your partner to confront himself/herself in return
Stop focusing on what your partner is/isn't doing - focus on yourself
Stop trying to change your partner. Pressuring your partner actually reduces the pressure on both of you to change.
It also contains REALLY good suggestions for how to begin confronting yourself. I may decide to start there, and merely invite W to read the book if she wants to. Then see what happens. In many disciplines, we learn to change only one or two things at a time, so if something "works", you know which change it was that "worked". I'm sure there is wisdom in that. Wow... what a trip...
