Quote: Anyway, we started off with just some light cuddling, and I was being very careful not to touch her too suggestively, but we WERE both naked, the door was closed and locked, and, well, you know me... I could get aroused with a 50-year-old woman rubbing up against me... oh, wait. that's what DID happen! Anyway, as things started to heat up, she actually grabbed onto me and started giving me a handjob! So I was also letting my hands roam more freely on her, and SHE was also getting turned on. COOL!! At one point, she was using her saliva to lubricate her hand, and she had to keep re-lubricating, so I just said "Why not try the AG?" So she got that out, and put some on...
Long story short, we ended up HS, and it wasn't EARTH SHATTERING, but it was VERY nice. I did have an O, but hardly any ejaculate, which is unusual for me, but I was pretty tired.
That is a description of what W and I ended up doing last night. I've decided to start a whole new thread, because the title of my last thread was very defeatist sounding, and since my whole outlook has changed, I decided it didn't fit. I basically "took the weekend off", and read almost non-stop - David Schnarch's Passionate Marriage. I've managed to read the first 9 chapters, and I'm on page 277 at the moment. Whew - what a weekend! Once I finish the "first read", I'll go back through it MUCH more slowly, and attempt to actually INTEGRATE it.
However, I think I may have found a way to begin. I believe I have made my first step towards increased differentiation. This evening, when W and I were both reading, and no kids around, I got up the nerve to ask her about her experience of last night. I wanted to see it through her eyes. Of course, I didn't really know how to broach the subject, so I didn't get very far with it, but it did give me a good feeling to try! At first, I basically said "I'm curious to know about your experience of last night - I want to know how it felt to you." I'm not yet confident enough to say something like "Please tell me what it meant to you". Anyway, her initial response was something like "It was fine" - she thought I was asking about MY performance. She was also assuming I was looking for validation by getting a reflection of myself from her. No, that wasn't it...
So I pressed her a LITTLE further, and asked her what she had been thinking and feeling when we began, and if she had intended for it to get as far as it did. She said she hadn't really been thinking or feeling much of anything... just wanting to cuddle a bit.
Not much, but it's a start. I think I will compose an email to her, to ask her about this in more detail. I'm also planning to try to get her to read this book, so that we can be in a similar "space" in regards to our understanding of what I'm attempting to do, but whether she reads it or not, I'm going to move ahead with this. I'm going to go for increased differentiation and see what happens. Just that little verbal exchange this evening really felt good! What an adventure this is!
