Should I stay? Should I go? I need help for real

[Joe2017]

It may help if you drop the subject of her contacts for the time being. Don't forget or pretend like it doesn't exist, but don't bring it up.

I really believe that couples counseling is great but you also need individual counseling for both. You may be getting this, already but sometimes our counselors aren't the best fit for us. It's ok to try a different counselor.

One thing I noticed is that your W will talk and express how she feels. Mine did not, and sought attention elsewhere. She would not talk to me about her real emotions, and she shut me off.

If you really do want to save this marriage you're going to have to do what you can to have patience. Sometimes you don't have to say anything. I do understand, it's a lot harder to do than it is to type it out on the Internet.

It looks like your relationship is in a very critical state. You have counseling tomorrow, so that is good. Think about what you need in your relationship and try to find a way to express it without being accusatory when you're having your session tomorrow. Hopefully you can accept what she says tomorrow and use it constructively.

What would your marriage be like, if you were able to shape it into what would make you happy?