WW, A ended, but struggling to reconnect (My 11th)

[sandi2]

She pointed out that I had been just saying over recent months whenever I was going somewhere that "I am going to__________" and that was it... I never asked her feelings on it or "if it was okay." This is, of course, true... I have been doing that ever since 180-ing, and GAL-ing while A was ongoing. She said that seems kind of like a double standard.

Are you still going out without asking about her feelings? I can see why she would feel it was a double standard. The board needs to talk about transitioning from a LBS to piecing, IMHO. (I may try to write down a few thoughts on it). If she is trying to walk the straight & narrow, then it would be considerate for both spouses to check with each other. I think you need to continue GAL, but as long as she is attempting to do what you've asked......then I think you should give her that consideration.

Since you asked about these after work get-togethers, she probably started doing them a few months, say 6, before the A started--probably about 2 years ago. Sort of coincided with her whole bff- inspired effort to "expand her social circle" and her mentally/emotionally "stepping out" of the marriage.

This may sound insignificant, but maybe you should not be telling her you want her to have a life apart from the MR. I know what you mean, and it may be just me.......but it could also be words that she might try to use to justify for not giving full disclosure. Where you see it as GAL in addition to the MR, she may see it as "stepping out" of the MR. It's probably just my over-cautious mind at work here.

My response was that it was kind of situtational, and I thought to myself having to see ANY friend, that far away, that often seemed a little unusual, but that, in general, she could make her own decisions about what friends she wanted to see

That ^^^^ may be your over-cautious mind at work. It's mine, also. I don't know what you can do about it, other than telling her you don't want her going, and forcing her to choose between you and BFF. I don't think it would go real well. Hopefully, the distance will help, and BFF will so involved with new people, their communication will taper off. That would help cool the interest down some......maybe..........hopefully.

From my own IC sessions, it seems clear that MC will talk to her about boundaries and avoiding past mistakes and affair-proofing, and, as well, some of the readings and exercises she gave us touch on those issues... but it will have to be me to bring those up, I think.

W said she would be making future IC sessions and asked me to show her how to work the video conferencing.

I agree, I think you'll have to lead here.

But she, and apparently everyone else on the planet, seems to think these things, as a social event, are harmless.

No, you aren't the only one with that opinion. I thought being too old fashion was behind my line of thinking. But why do you say this? Did your MC think it was just fine and dandy, knowing your W's history?

Dang, I just got a nice full-body hug. Heading out to go pick up my older son and College for spring break, I was talking with wife in the kitchen before I left, and she just looked really good, long blonde hair kind of tousled up, still in her boots and jeans from work... Just felt right so I said "Come here..." and pulled her in and gave her a hug which she didn't fight or Shrink frog and in fact reciprocated full body.

And I pulled away and said "now put those glasses back on and give me something to dream about." ( I had been teasing her earlier in a good-natured way about how she really have the sexy librarian thing going on tonight when she put on her glasses). She smiled and kind of dropped her head a little and said "get out of here" with a little push.

Very good! Spontaneous and sexy.